The Perpetual Three-Dot Column
The Perpetual Three-Dot Column
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

by Jesse Walker

Monday, February 20, 2006
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS ON EVOLUTION:
A wise old dinosaur addresses a convocation of his tribe: "Fellow reptiles, I do not hesitate to tell you that we face grave problems. And I do not hesitate to tell you that we have the answer. Size is the answer! Increased size! There are those who say that size is not the answer. There are those who even propose that we pollute our pure reptilian strains with mammalian amalgamations and cross-breeding. And I say to you that if the only way I could survive was by mating with egg-eating rats, then I would choose not to survive. But we will survive. We will increase both in size and in numbers, and we will continue to dominate this planet as we have done for 300 million years. Bigger is better, and biggest is best!"

Armored models thump their tails in earthshaking applause. Herbivorous dines waddle and splash in swamp mud. Carnivores bare their huge fangs, dripping streamers of saliva in approval. But a wise old dine turns sadly from the TV and addresses his offspring: "Son, it's the end of the line. We are ugly idiot babbling beasts. Some of us are 60 feet long with a brain the size of a walnut. Where can this end? In a natural history museum, our bones gawked at by pimply adolescents. 'Say, I wonder how big his prick was?' Their turn will come."
(From "Dinosaurs," on the Dial-a-Poem Poets album
Better An Old Demon Than a New God, downloadable for free on UbuWeb. Listen to the recording -- like everything Burroughs wrote, it sounds best read aloud in his raspy midwestern growl.)


posted by Jesse 8:02 PM
. . .

. . .

For past entries, click here.


. . .