The Perpetual Three-Dot Column
The Perpetual Three-Dot Column
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by Jesse Walker

Monday, March 28, 2005
STUPID BLOG TRICKS: Matt Welch has invited me,
sort of, to play one of those silly fill-out-a-form-on-your-blog games. I'll do my best.

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451. Which book do you want to be?

This is a reference to the Ray Bradbury novel in which people commit banned texts to memory, thus "becoming" the books. It's also a strangely recursive scenario: I'm stuck in a book and I'm also a book myself? What is this, an Escher painting?

Anyway, my first thought is that I ought to be Rebels on the Air, by Jesse Walker, because I can't imagine that anyone else would bother to keep it alive. But I already spent years writing the damn thing, and the last thing I want to do is spend any more time with it. My next thought was to be Where the Wild Things Are, because there wouldn't be much to memorize -- I'm kind of lazy -- but I'm not sure what I'd do about the pictures.

I dunno. Can I be a Bill Cosby routine? That might be fun.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Yes, which is kind of ridiculous, but weird things can happen when you're right on the cusp of puberty.

The last book you bought is:

Masters of Atlantis, by Charles Portis. A hilarious novel. I read it nine or ten years ago, and thought it would be nice to own a copy.

The last book you read is:

I'm making my way through several books at once right now, so it's kind of hard to keep track. I think the last one I finished was Charles Willeford's The Burnt Orange Heresy.

What are you currently reading?

Too many tomes to list here.

Five books you would take to a deserted island.

1. Matt Welch's Bible:
the one I've been lugging around with me since Spring Break of 1988, in which the tormented second wife of a corrupt and abusive Santa Barbara-based pastor scrawled hundreds of thousands of words worth of frantic reminders, diary confessions, underlined words, post-it notes...all detailing her unhappy marriage, cruel step-children, recovery from breast cancer, apologies to God for thinking independent thoughts, stuff like that....
I know he said he wanted to take it to his desert island, but it sounds too enticing to pass up.

2. A photo album. Because after a while I'm gonna get lonely.

3. Gravity's Rainbow, because maybe if I were stuck on a desert island I'd actually get around to reading it.

4. Ten Ever-Lovin' Blue-Eyed Years with Pogo, to look at when I'm supposed to be reading Gravity's Rainbow.

5. A complete Encyclopedia Brittanica. Because it's big, and I'll need firewood.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?

Sara Rimensnyder, because she hasn't updated her blog in over a year and maybe this will get her writing again.

Bryan Alexander, because he might take the questions more seriously than I did.

Clark Stooksbury, because he might take the questions even less seriously than I did.

posted by Jesse 9:00 AM
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