The Perpetual Three-Dot Column
The Perpetual Three-Dot Column
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

by Jesse Walker

Friday, November 05, 2004
WITH A RED-BLUE YELL: I had hoped all the partisan robots would settle down once the election was over, but of course they only got louder. The folks who spent the campaign saying Halliburton is a front for NAMBLA are now muttering that they're ashamed to be Americans and want to join Canada. The folks who spent the campaign fretting that John Kerry is a sleeper agent for the Viet Cong are now claiming that they're the only "real" Americans and, in general, confusing "51%" with "98%." In a classic illustration of the thesis that you eventually become the thing you most hate, the Kerrybots are now terrified, resentful, and convinced that the culture is poisoned; the Bushbots are smug, self-congratulatory, and as condescending when they discuss the coasts as a Hollywood producer deriding "flyover country." These two tribes have more in common with each other than they do with ordinary liberals and conservatives, but they insist on speaking for the red states and the blue states as blocs.

Ordinarily I'm reluctant to play the social engineer or to propose a Pol Pot–style resettlement, but I'm a moderate, pragmatic fellow who's willing to compromise a principle or two. So here's my plan. We round up all up the robots and give them their own state. There can't be too many of them; they'll probably fit in Delaware. They can enjoy the tax-free shopping there, maybe try to build a blog-based economy. And the rest of us can live our complex, confounding, infinitely varied lives in peace, free of all those foolish red and blue stereotypes.


posted by Jesse 11:50 PM
. . .

. . .

For past entries, click here.


. . .